Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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