I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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