fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
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Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
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My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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