The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
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i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
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My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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