i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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