Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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