i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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