I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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