Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize