eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
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Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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