Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
kristin has been a bad kristin
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize