Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize