I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize