apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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