It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
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