It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
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You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
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I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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