the new term for farting is butt boxing.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Barsexuality is the new black.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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