also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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