Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize