I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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