It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
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SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
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My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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