I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I would ride that face into the sunset
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize