There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
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No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
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Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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