Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize