My liver just broke up with me...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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