I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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