my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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