Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
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and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
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The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You've changed since you got that strap on
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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