he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
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Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
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