I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
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I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
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What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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