how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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