Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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