I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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