I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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