I just pynch a tree in the face
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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