Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize