i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize