Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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