She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
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I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
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I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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