You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
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