I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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