My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
only if we run a train.
done.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize