Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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