yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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