hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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