Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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