we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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