Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize