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I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
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