Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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